Wonder Woman — 4/10

WONDER WOMAN (2017, Patty Jenkins)

Finally, the misogyny of Hollywood has been lifted just long enough to prove that women, too, are capable of directing and starring in crushingly boring, deliriously formulaic, overlong grey casseroles of CG mayhem. No longer merely the domain of greedy, artless male hacks, now the comic book superhero model of blockbuster that has shat itself across multiplex screens for the better part of the 21st century has proven its equality — even Patty Jenkins can make a movie as lame as Zack Snyder.

With producer and story credit to Snyder, it’s no surprise that this virtually indistinguishable entry into the colorless, humorless genre of DC bludgeon-fests has the Snyder-ized action scene earmarks of slo-mo jump-punching, bloodless bloodletting, and graceless editing. Jenkins may have had enough input to develop the deeper character traits of Diana (and indeed those aspects are among the film’s few merits), but she lends no original style to the action scenes or the overall pace and narrative, which are par for the increasingly numbing course. It’s edited carelessly by Martin Walsh (who in the last decade has done PRINCE OF PERSIA, CLASH OF THE TITANS, and WRATH OF THE TITANS) and photographed by Matthew Jensen, whose resume is almost entirely TV episodes save for Josh Trank’s debacle FANTASTIC FOUR. The fact that this movie looks like ass isn’t Jenkins’s fault, but she shouldn’t get much credit either.

Take, for example, the second act, when Diana goes to London with Steve in search of her prey, the God of War. Jenkins and co. mine this sequence for fish-out-of-water laughs, but there are zero of them. Remember the only good part of THOR, which had a Norse god wandering through small town America ordering coffee in diners? None of that humor or satire is remotely present in this similar setup, which has Diana trying on a Victorian gown only to say “how can a woman fight in this?” Crickets. Chris Pine is allowed one or two moments of levity as Steve, but the IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT-inspired boat trip with Diana is forced and self-satisfied; not at all entertaining.

So the film just snoozes along for about 100 minutes, filling in the occasional gaps with perfunctory and predictable action beats, but we’ve been here before a thousand times (except with male heroes, who aren’t forced to spout dialogue like “love is the only thing worth fighting for”) so it’s all somnambulant garbage. Then the last 40 minutes hits, and it’s as loud, obnoxious, and stakes-less as you could expect. Gadot acquits herself nicely from the dour performance she gave in BATMAN v SUPERMAN, summoning nice physical skills to match her inspiring determination. And we do get a brief NAKED reunion almost 25 years later with David Thewlis and Ewen Bremner. But the overwhelming sensation this entire enterprise evokes is one of defeated plastic — yet another sausage product encased in the cynicism of a studio that has shrugged “might as well.” And the fact that this is a huge hit just proves that audiences are so thirsty for a film that serves this demographic that it doesn’t even have to be good. I’m not crazy about living in a post-quality cinematic world, where a film’s release (and its entire content) are an afterthought to its bottom line, but yet that is where we are. Welcome to 2017.

 

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Wonder Woman — 4/10

  1. Gary Krist

    Once again, I find myself in complete agreement with you. I had previously declared a personal moratorium on superhero movies, but my spouse convinced me to give this a try. I was utterly bored. (She didn’t like it either, I’m glad to say.)

  2. Couldn’t agree more. The only thing we differ on is your rating – I think 4 is overly generous. I beat myself up for going to this pos movie. What a waste of time.

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